Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Warning: This may be PG-13!

Sorry, for the lack of blogging, but you are getting two in one day. Lillian recovered from her fever for a couple of days only to get a cold and double ear infection. We all seem to have the cough and cold. This is the first day of fever free kids in a week. Anyway, during the sickness we continued the potty training. Grayson had been doing okay until his birthday and then he refused to wear underwear stating that he was still a baby. Many suggested that I just needed to ride it out and let it be his thing. I did for a few days then I just said, "Grayson, you are wearing underwear end of discussion." He cried, but he has been wearing them since. And the peeing was going extremely well. Truth be told, the potty is all about the poop. Peeing is pocket change. It is widely known that Grayson averages three to five poops per day, hence my great desire to have him potty trained. I figured it would not be hard to catch him needing to poop. Wrong! He slowed down or pooped when he wasn't on my watch. They get smart like that.

So, this past Saturday the poor kid has a fever and didn't feel good. This was my chance. With the fever, he was no longer able to outsmart me. I noted precursors to poop. I'll not go into detail, but I asked if he needed to poop and he said, "yes". We went to the potty at 3:30pm. We sat and chatted. I thought I would just wait and see what happened. Well, it became clear that he didn't know what to do. I said, "Buddy, you have to squeeze your belly to get it to come out." Wrong wordage. He was literally squeezing his belly with his hands. I hope he doesn't do that for the rest of his life. I may have made him weird. Sorry, G's future wife. Anyway, I kept trying to explain it and nothing. I realized I have no future in midwifery or being a doula. I could never coach a birth. Perhaps, I hear too many birth stories, but seriously this was similar. If this had been a birth story, it would have been one where the woman sits in a pool until the baby falls out without straining herself in the least bit. I was getting tired of sitting in the bathroom trying to explain how to poop and getting nowhere. I offered to just put on a diaper and be done with it for the day. He very calmly said he would wait. At this point, we are at the one hour mark. I started to think that maybe boys just had a different system of going poop and I know that they don't like to rush it. I offered him a book and left him.

I sent Lillian in after a few minutes to try to help. What I am about to say is the truth, I promise. So, I'm folding laundry in the hallway outside of the bathroom and listening to Lillian. She goes in and sits on the stool in front of Grayson just like I had been. She said and I quote, "Okay Grayson, you know how when you go in the bathroom and there is a monster at the door and you squeeze the bathroom door closed really quick? That is exactly what you want to do with your bootie hole." What the heck? Then she starting singing songs about peeing and pooping that were a little gross. She came out after about 20 minutes. He pooped after she left. He started screaming that he had a really big poop. He was calling us and we rushed in. I this point I was cooking dinner and totally over the pooping becaue it had been an hour and a half.

Well, I didn't take a picture. I thought I would spare you and him. But, it was awesome! He had picked out a motorcycle toy a few days before at Walmart for this very occassion. He was so excited. He said, "Are we gonna have a birthday party, now?" "Yeah, petty much." He got the motorcycle and a gift arrived at the same time (for his birthday) from Greg and Judith. We just said, "How did they know you would poop, today" and called it a poop gift. (Sorry Greg and Judith. I'll send JG a poop gift when the time is right.) We had ice cream and he told all of our neighbors he pooped. They were very proud of him. So, since then he has had a few accidents, but he has done both on the potty many times. I have been doing a lot of laundry and cleaning up some puddles. I have not changed any diapers for the last several days. The first time in five plus years. I feel like it is my birthday or something. Basically, being a mom and not dealing with diapers rocks the house.

8 comments:

amy said...

You know who to send in to get the job done!!!

Tirzah said...

Way to Go! man you got some pateince Melanie-an hour? I would last 10 minutes.

Lora said...

MELANIE-MY LAUGH FOR THE DAY!

A&A Maynor said...

Lillian cracks me up.
(No pun intended.)

Uncle A

Anonymous said...

hilarous!
emily harriman

Genna said...

If only this would work for a one-year old with diarrhea. Seriously, our doc has me collecting a stool sample. The only way to collect it is to SQUEEZE the nasty diaper. Gag.

Andi said...

can you rent us lillian for the day? jack loves her so much that i bet he would do whatever she says. including poop & pee on the potty!

rachel said...

That is an amazing story! Lillian's gifts are truly remarkable. I still can't believe Grayson had the stamina to sit on the potty for so long!