The truth is that I have realized that I am angry and sad about these things lately. It is a BIG step to say I'm sad and not just angry. I want my peace back and my privacy and my comfort. My life is so out of my control that all I can do is pray and complain. I'm discovering that complaining gets me no where. I've tried. Believe me. Ask Peter. What's changing? In the past I would think that God doesn't love me because life isn't easy. The funny thing is I pray for little things like tile to come in on Tuesday and it does and floors to be finished on Saturday and they are. I know God hears my prayers and He answers them.
He wants ALL of me. He wants my runs, my house, my kid's bedtime, my interactions with you, my husband, the daytime, the nighttime, etc. ALL OF ME! I'm raging against that. His response is "Melanie, I will not stop until I am the God of all of you." Yikes! This reno will end sooner or later and I will return to some level of comfort, but He will have more of me. That is a good thing. I am in a season of Him taking more of me and that is a good and painful place to be. The funny thing is that all of these years into my journey I have been given a window into realizing this means He loves me MORE than I will know this side of heaven. So, there is joy in the journey. Not happiness or ease, but deep lasting joy that means my Saviour loves me deeply and that this life is about WAY more than what appears to be in front of me. I would like for you to pray that it will all end as in my house will be finished and it will be a place of peace. That is the prayer of my old self. The Melanie in process is beginning to know that you should pray that I will surrender to my Heavenly Father who has much more for me and mine. Pray for that.
This life is a marathon not a sprint. I've run far enough to tell you that the first three stink and that when you get to five it is glory. Then eight is a transition. I'm at eight. There are many miles to go, but the first eight are not pocket change. Pray for more of Jesus to be revealed. That is infinitely more important than a peaceful house and at the end of the day it is what I really want. You will need to remind me of that and I will remind you. Isn't it great that this life isn't all that there is?