I have been to the ER 6 times with my kids not to mention countless times as a social worker. The ER is usually not quick. I walked in with a puking kid. They asked if he was sick. I said, "No, he swallowed a quarter." They were all over him and quickly told me to get my husband there. "This is not good." We were in a room within two minutes. As they were getting us to a room, they told me they were taking Lillian because she could not go where we were going. Alarm bells started to go off. Grayson and I were taken to a trauma room full of no less than 10 professionals. As I was standing at the end of the trauma bed looking at my kid get hooked up to a bunch of stuff, I realized this was very serious. The doctor quickly told me that they thought it was stuck somewhere and causing him distress. The ENT was on his way down STAT along with x-ray. "If it is anywhere but his stomach we are going straight to surgery. How long til your husband arrives?" I had this moment where I really wanted to panic, but quickly realized there was no time and that it would not be helpful. I looked around and asked some sweet young nurse to go be with Lillian who was all alone in a waiting room. My job was to keep Grayson calm so he didn't make things worse by freaking out. As we waited for the x-ray he stopped puking and perked up.
We did the x-ray and the doctor called me over to see where the quarter was on the computer monitor. It was in his stomach. They think it went down after we got to the trauma room. So, they said he would poop it out and we were moved to the happy ER room with cartoons and a popsicle to see if he could eat something without difficulty. That is when Peter got there. "Is everything okay?" I was like "Well, yeah, but we could have just filmed an episode of ER the tv show." So, within the space of an hour I went from facing my kid not breathing to him pooping a quarter. WHAT? It was one of the scariest moments of my life. And now, more than 24 hours later I just shed my first tears. Not because I am all that, although God made me Grayson's mom and that looks to be an intense job.
Peter and I were just processing it for the 4,oooth time. He missed a lot of the intensity. I found myself crying because I forgot to pray or I didn't have time. Lillian had called my aunt for me and asked her to pray and Peter was praying and perhaps others that knew. Tonight I am realizing that the Holy Spirit was probably intervening on my behalf for Grayson. It was 30 minutes of absolute terror that I would loose him and then it was all gone. God has intrusted Grayson to my care for a time. I really have no clue when that time will end. Could be tomorrow could be years. I hope he outlives me.
On the day after feeling I was close to saying goodbye, I am reminded he is not mine and no matter what I do I keep him or Lillian safe. After all, I was looking at him as he choked. I am also reminded it is not safe to love another. My heart will likely break a million times over for each kid. It looks to be two million for Grayson, but to guard my heart would be to not love at all. I find myself very glad to have two wonderful children tonight-my Lillian the artist and intellect and my G-money-the crazy, full on live, risk taker. His risks are risks, but he is full on life and that make me a little more full on life, too. And in reality he rarely gets hurt when he takes risks, God made him really good at that. I love that about him. Tomorrow, when I have recovered I will tell you about how he does flips off the diving board and jumps off of everything and how I LOVE that God made him that way and that I get to be his mama. It is a joy beyond anything I could have imagined. Tonight, I am glad we appear to all be going to sleep safe in our beds. God has been generous to give me one more day with these little treasures.