Let me tell you about some of mine... You know how when you dig a hole on the beach with sand and then the water comes and it is suddenly full again. Sometimes all at once and sometimes after a couple of waves? Well, the void of my mother is like that. It never is quite full like it was before the hole, but it is never quite as empty like it was before the first wave. My mom doesn't buy me clothes anymore, but my aunt does, or my grandmothers, or my dad, or my husband. And those clothes are just as treasured. And there are millions of little things that I would have called my mom about for insight or assistance. Instead of her, I have my team of experts. That hole opens up a place for many women to stand in the gap from parenting advise to cooking to friendships and any number of things. I have deeper more beautiful relationships with many women because of that hole. And that is a treasure. That hole bought my stepmother along who delights in me and my family in many ways. It brought my stepbrothers who love my children dearly. It allows me to face death with others with more confidence.
That hole makes me long for heaven in ways that I could never have imagined before. It is by far the bigger treasure. I want to know about heaven and be in heaven even more because my mom lives there. It had seemed like a distant land and often fairy tale-ish before my mom lived there. For God to allow me to loose my mom to learn more about Himself and heaven was a severe mercy, but one I would not trade.
This year God has been flooding my life with new mercies through the Sonship bible studies and relationships. I am more aware everyday that this life is a journey to grow in relationship with my Savior. Just about everything that happens is about that relationship. And I am very thankful that this life is not it and that my journey is leading me Home to a place where there will be no more sorrow.
The year my mom died, she was bound and determined that she would go to worship for Easter. And my feeble little brain knew that we would never change her mind. She was very stubborn. How will we get someone so near death to church? I kept thinking she would make us drag her there. I think she knew she would make it all along and it just took me a while to 'get' it. She died on a Thursday and that following Sunday was Easter. What a great weekend to meet Jesus face to face! This year plays out the same and I am missing her and mourning, but on Sunday I will be reminded that He is Risen and death is ended. And there will be no more darkness only light.